We once had a vacation in Phoenix and this is what we did.

Mondays adventures in Scottsdale were as follows. A lengthy time committment to Mr Pool (where Sun burn was the goal and almost achieved). A visit to a Western town (where a very western store sold Moccasins from Minnetonka, which we all know is a very western town in Minnesota(Not) ). Highlight of the day was getting together with Old friends Merlin and Brenda Hector (actually just Merlins is Old, but I didn't want to make him feel bad). It was great reconnecting after almost 30 years and hope we can do it again, hopefully sooner than 30 more years. It was cool to rehash some rowdy days of days gone by(when I was skinny and had a Afro). Thanks again Brenda and Merlin.

Tuesday, Peg and I ventured up to the Grand Canyon, where I made the following observations. 1. It is a Stinking long drive from Scottsdale to the Grand Canyon. 2. Someone at the main office did not get my request/demand for 90 degrees and instead it was 68 degrees. 3. The Grand Canyon is kind of like a United Nations of Canyons, with every nationality represented and every language being spoken(it was kind of cool except I couldn't understand them). 4. The Grand Canyon's name should be changed to either Super Duper Canyon or Stupendious Canyon. Grand just doesn't give it enough credit. 5. I was shocked that at several different locations through out the canyon the architect of the canyon left his signature. Some architect with the intials G.O.D.

Wednesday's vacation adventures. 1. Listened carefully to a sales presentation on why we should buy a time share resort. There was however no miracle explanation on how we would pay for it and still pay our regular bills (We passed on that opportunity). 2. Spent quality time at pool (and yes my stomach now has this hot red glow all over it, mission accomplished). 3. Met with Old friends Geri and Jerry McGraw at Joe's Farm(was on Diners Drive ins and dugouts) for supper and then went to Coldstone( where Peg experienced a ice cream high). We had great visit with them. This vacation has really been a blessing and Peg and I are very grateful for this time down here in Mpls/St. Paul Southwest(Phoenix).

Thursday's vacation theme for the day. "Hanging". 1. Hang around the pool in the morning and work at mildly burning my back. 2.Hang up swimsuit to dry. 3. Hangout with Dave and Elaine Baudoin and enjoy the pleasure of their company. 4. Hang on to our waistline as we eat out with Peg's Uncle Irvin and his wife Naomi. 5. Hang with my foxy wife of 30 years. Don't know if Friday will have theme but I know it will have warm weather.

Friday, the last day of our vacation here in beautiful Phoenix. First of let me thank Mr. Sun for a job well done, I feel like a little piece of him is going home with me. 1. We enjoyed some morning pool/sun time(and my back now glows just like my front. 2. Made a homemade lunch in room. 3. Went to Old Scotsdale town and bought sovenirs for the kids(don't tell them cause it's a surprise). 4.Went to Sweet Tomatoe's for supper(sorry Paul we almost ate the place you recommended but Peg and I wanted to revisit Sweet Tomatoe) it was very good. 5. Peg read her Nook by the pool and I am going to take a shower cause I stink. It has been a great vacation but all good things must come to an end. Gotta say the best part of this vacation has been reconnecting with old friends, relatives and the local Police(just kidding about the local police). In the words of Red Skeleton "Good night and may God bless".

Well we back in MN and vacation is over. We had a Supercalifragicexbyaledosis time. Now it's back to real life. Looking for forward to our own bed, I will never bad mouth it again. I didn't leave my heart in Arizona but I did leave a substantial amount of money there, for Arizona to remember us by. I will always remember fondly the lakes made of sand. Wondering if Minnesota should contact Arizona to do some trading. Water for some Cactus and a mountain.

I can honestly say I have never met a Wankster that wasn't tone deaf. Seriously have you ever heard a Wankster carry a tune? I know some will make excuses for Wankster's because they don't have mouths and ears, but I think that is just a cop out. Where does it end? Do we say it's ok that Gruba's can't jump just because they don't have legs? Or Mzzxvrg's can't spell because it's against their religion to use vowels? Where does it stop? I'll tell you, when the Wankster's and the Gruba's and Mzzxvrg's get together and create a rock band and they perform their first concert with nonsensical songs with lyrics that make No sense while hurting both the fans ears with their terrible singing and themselves as they attempt to jump and fall on their faces.  Maybe the world needs a little more compassion for the Wankster's  and the Gruba's and the Mzzxrg's and their plight but I still don't want to go to that concert.

Things you may hear a talking house say. 1. To a window "I feel your Pane". 2. To the bathroom toilet "You look a bit flushed". 3. To the bed in the bedroom " You are soo lazy all you do is lay there day after day. 4. To the alarm clock "Your time is almost up".5. To the keyboard of the computer as I am typing this "Stop him please". Shut up talking house.

Did you ever stop to think how does Lettuce feel? Well until just recently I never gave them a second thought. Come to think of it I still don't care how they feel as long they get in that salad where they belong we have no issue. It's just when they rebel and get the crazy idea that they can haphazardly roam around playing in random sandboxes or playing on teeter tooters. A lettuce's home is in a salad not in a playground and argument to the contrary is both futile and lacking in basic math skills.This fact alone may be an indicator why American education is lagging behind many other countries.But everything is brought back into balance by large plate of salad, preferably with bacon bits as a topping. I hope the subject matter of this particular blog does not cut to close to home for you the reader but I have to call it as I see it. I think I might have had too much salad today.

I have made a very important discovery, the answer to the question "Who invented Parades"? Well after doing endless research I believe I have discovered the answer. Most people think Parades were created to honor someone or some group for example returning Soldiers from WW1 or Politicians on 4th of July. Well that is simply not true, No the real truth is much more sinister than that. Here is how it all began, once upon a time there was a group of Popcorn vendors and they had a meeting to discuss the decline of Popcorn sales. One very entrepreneurial vendor suggested they create an event that would bring an audience to their product. After hours of brainstorming the idea of Parades came up. There was alot of discussion about the ethics of such an idea but at the end of the discussion the enticement of more money won out. The very first parade was set to take place in Farmsville, Iowa, the local Popcorn Union 703 contacted Mayor Johhny Johnson to see if he would be interested in having a parade in his honor and being a politician up for re-election he saw this as a good idea. The parade had 5 floats(horse and buggy's) and went for 4 blocks(the length of the town) and lasted a total of 1 hour( No horses or children were hurt in the making of this parade). More importantly to the Popcorn vendors they sold all of their popcorn and could have sold more if they would have had a larger supply. It was then they knew they had a great profit making idea. If you ever get an opportunity to see photos of early parades you will undoubtedly see Orville Redenbacher in the background. His genius as marketing pioneer has never really been appreciated. Since I have unearthed these facts it has changed me forever, I can no longer look a Popcorn vendor in the face without seeing fake parades before my eyes and when I hear the shout at a Baseball game "Peanuts, Crackerjacks, Popcorn, it is all I can do to keep myself from yelling -Liar, Phony, Hypocrite. There is always one thought that keeps me from exposing them there in this very public setting and that thought is, Yeah I really do want some Popcorn and bring on the parade.

About 2 months ago I had a childhood dream realized. Yes, it was then that I became a Blogger. Let me take you about 75 years ago, when as a child of 3 years of age I would sit on my great uncle Shem's knee and he would share his adventures of Blogging. He told me of the excitement of going in the Forest and cutting down these huge trees and hauling them to a city far away and sometimes when there weren't roads they would float them down the river to the next city to be hauled away. Yeah it sounded like a great adventure. Hold on a second I just did a Wikipedia search I guess that was Logging, well then what have I been doing the last 2 months? I should have known it doesn't take a computer to cut a tree down.

My Ode to a Weather forecaster/Meteorologist.
Although I said it would rain today and be Chilly. I will take credit for it turning out to be 80 sunny and quite a Dilly. Some people feel my  inaccurate forecasts make me look a bit Silly. I don't really care cause I have beautiful home on the Hilly. I say to myself whose really the dummie  me or someone who believes what they hear on the Tilly(suppose to be Telly). I know when it comes to accuracy I may be a bit Willy Nilly. But I get paid well,  work only 2 hours each day, look good on t.v and have great boss named Billy.

Humor is a funny thing or at least it ought to be. I do get very confused by some humor, for example stories or movies described as using Dark Humor, which as near as I can tell is Not funny at all and most of the time is just mean or depressing humor. I am of the belief that everyone should get the same chuckle unless they just refuse to laugh. And then their is dirty humor/jokes which make a lot of us very uncomfortable and is very easy to offend. Many of the current comedians utilize this type of humor and it is my opinion they do it because deep down they ain't that funny. Anybody that knows me knows that I am big believer in dumb/simple humor mainly because that's how my mind works but also everyone gets it and those who don't  really like my humor sometimes catch themselves chuckling( although I am sure they look around to see that nobody catches them). Life is very serious and it comes with a lot of ups and downs, so if people can have 1 little chuckle on a hard day then that's a good thing. And to those who ever read my posts here and on Facebook find yourself moaning from a dumb joke I share then again my job has been accomplished. Remember folks humor should be a funny/fun thing so feel free to laugh with or at me. As Red Skeleton would say "Good night and my God Bless".

I think the world would be a funnier place if animals would all change sounds/voices. Imagine with me a Dog that would Moo or a Cat that would Nay. I think even the animals would enjoy the change, after all, I can't count on one finger all the times I have treated Lions with sore throats due to the extensive roaring they do. If Lions could just Whoo and Owls could roar all of a sudden this world would be an exciting place to live. And then there is the example of a Parrot hissing while a Snake says Snakey wants a cracker. But my favorite of all would be the Donkey saying Bark Bark. Maybe it's just me ( and I think we all know it is) but that would really be cool or maybe I have had just a little too much caffeine today.

Back in the late 1400's when I played first chair in the Vienna Orchestra, my good friend Luther Antonio Stradivari created a one of a kind Instrument for me. After several unsuccessful attempts at playing the instrument I decided to return it to Luther. He was befuddled( in Italian the would be Befussamento) I explained that it simply didn't sound right when I tried to use a guitar pik to play it. What I didn't mention to him was that it was silliest looking Guitar I had ever seen. I don't think it will ever catch on. Just a heads up to everyone, if you see a funny little guitar named Violin don't laugh, it seems some people just don't know how to make good guitars. I do feel bad though for my friend Stradivari cause it seems he wasn't able to sell many so he gave up after making just a handful.

Recently I had a very disappointing baking experience. I thought it would be fun to make a Pumpkin Pie. It seemed simple enough, buy a big Pumpkin, cut stem off, place Pumpkin in a Pie Crust, place them both in a large greased pan and bake at 500 hundred degrees for 6 hours. Seems simple right? Well let me tell you that I was shocked by the results. I opened the oven and do I see a beautiful Pumpkin pie, No much to my horror it seems it had baked a little too long and had morphed into a Banana pie(which we all know is disgusting). Note to self only bake pie for 5 hours.

Well it has come  time again for me to write something with deep life changing  meaning, which will give your life a kick start to positivity. Well? (Long Pause). Oh yeah I got it. What's up with puddles? I mean their dirty and muddy and splash up on your clothes and get them all dirty. I don't even think other puddles like puddles. And when you need a good puddle well then for sure it's already dried up and just leaves useless dust. Puddles are pond wannabees, and we all know pond's are lake wannabees which in turn are Lake Superior wannabee's. Lake Superior is the king of Lakes and won't even offer a wave to a puddle. Stupid puddle don't you know Kix are for kids? No you can't even do that right. Well puddle next time we meet I want you to think twice before you splash on me and get my clothes dirty cause I will get my good friend gutter to drain you dry. I know, I know your asking yourself where is the depth and positivity in this commentary. If your looking for depth, try Lake Superior(let me know if you find the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald) and for positivity, well I am positive that puddles are dumb. Hope you didn't waste too much time reading this post.

It is time to expose the Oscars for the outrage that it has become. Through the years I have been brought to tears by the injustice of the awards and the shear devastation it has brought to many a fine actors/actresses and prematurely ending some potentially brilliant careers. I first noticed this around 1947 (when as a child I was shocked) that neither Roy Rogers nor Dale Evans received an Oscar nomination for their fine work in "My Pal Trigger" or for their follow up movie in 1948 "Bells Of San Angelo"  these 2 people single handedly kept the old west safe . I immediately tried to contact both Roy and Dale to offer my condolences, but it seems they were out on the range. The next in the string of injustices was in 1951 in Kirby Grants snub as best actor for "Sky King" in which he kept the west safe in his airplane. Sure some defended this oversight by saying it was a T.V. show and not a movie and to that I say Pish Posh. And then there was Ann Southern's portrayal of a car in "My Mother the Car" she had me totally believing she was a car. One Oscar snub that I can kind of empathize with is the  lack of Oscar nomination for Francis in the movie "Francis in the Navy". We were never told if Francis was a male donkey or a female donkey, so what nomination could the academy offer without possibly offending Francis? More recently Oscar snubs include Burt Reynolds in the fine work he did in all Smokey and the Bandit movies (only the truly elite actors can appear to be totally disinterested in their role and pull it off so well) also actress Drew Barrymore felt the sting of an Oscar snub when in 1982  she was passed over for her grown breaking role in E.T. (very few people realize that she had 2 roles in that movie, Gertie as well as E.T.) thankfully this snub has not hampered her brilliant acting career. The list goes on  there is Lorenzo Lamas, Chuck Norris, Steven Seagal, Dolly Parton and Anna Faris(she is the actress in the Scary Movie series. OK, sure maybe Meryl Streep has a catchy name but there is no way she carries off the ditz role in Scary movie(she just doesn't have the depth or ability). And I will tell you this flat out, Robert DeNiro is no Chuck Norris. In concluding my little rant, do I expect the Oscar's to change their approach? No but if we don't register our outrage at such injustices then we are as guilty as they or them or whatever. Thank you and good night.

The more I hear about this Freud character the more I wonder was this guy Kuckoo. First is the matter of the Freudian Slip, come on whats with the wearing a women's clothes, I mean dude I've seen pictures of you and  you definitively do not have the figure for them. And then there is the Eggplantipuss Complex, you will never convince me that people have any kind of attraction toward Egg Plants(what a weirdo). But the caper is the Id and the Eco. First let me just say Id? Dude couldn't you come up with whole word? Id is something at the end of a word to finish it, like Squid or Did. If you can't come up with at least 4 letters for your word it is just piddly posh. Lastly there Eco, Eco what? Eco centric, Eco nomy, Eco logy? Whoops I guess that's Ego, well same goes for that. Bottom line folks if I were you(and I'm not) I would not invite this Freud character to any Charades party you might have in the future cause I think he is one card short of an Old Maid deck.

If I had the will power, I would say No to Yes and Yes to No. But because I am weak I say Maybe and then eventually Ok, which we all know is another way to say Yes. My goal is to say Absolutely Not and I do get the Absolutely out but I forget the Not part, which leaves me where I was before except Not Quite, if you know what I mean. I just wish Yes and No were not such polar opposites. Would it be sooo bad if there was a Nes or a Yo? I think I answered my own question. As of this moment, I Dan Alsdurf being of partially sound mind do declare that from this time on my Yes will be Yes and my No will be No. Unless I change my mind.

Have you ever come to the conclusion that everything you thought you knew was incorrect? Me neither! But seriously one of the great eye openers of life, is life from a rear view mirror. Well what does that mean? When I recall my teen years, all life's issues could answered by a Beatles tune and it didn't matter which tune either. In my 20's it was still my parents generations fault for all the problems of the world. In my 30's I was to busy being a husband and a father to care who created life's problems, I just had to make sure that my family was shielded from them. And then came my 40's and how the worm had turned, now I was part of the generation responsible for all of life's ills. Wow, in just a few short years I went from the good guy to the bad guy with out any notification. Now I as near 60, I have finally figured it all out, I was right all along. All life's issues can be answered by a Beatles tune, feel free to pick your own, I'm going with "I'll follow the Son".

If  there was a competition  (in the whole world) for providing silly useless information I am proud to say I would come in 4th place. And that includes both Russia and China being involved in the competition. I don't know who the other 3 are, but they are legends to be greatly admired. They operate under alias's so  no one really knows their identity, just  that they are masters of the Silly and Unimportant. You can easily tell the difference between us Pros and the Novices. The Novices will accidently  pass along useful information and occasionally be funny on purpose, we Pros would never let that happen. Some would mistakenly state that the talent lies in the Quality of the written word( cleverness, wit, humor) I say Hogwash to that notion. Nay, it takes more talent to write with No talent then it does to write with talent. I think we can all agree that somewhere in that last point, there was a point to be made(if you find it let me know). What it really comes down to is this, Gibberish is not dead, No, it is alive in living in my keyboard. I bid you a doo doo.

As a young boy I had aspirations to be the next John Wayne. However I soon realized that if I were in a gun fight in the old west I wouldn't get past my first shootout. I'm not saying I was slow but I would start to draw in Spring and shoot in Summer. Added to this fact, I couldn't walk in Cowboy boots without my feet bleeding. And those horses were a lot bigger in real life than on T.V. But what confirmed it for me was the mandatory Saloon scene. Where John orders a Whiskey and then gulps it down in one quick motion, well most of my Kool Aid ended up on my shirt. Well at least I got to wear Bell Bottoms, John Wayne never did. Hey you gotta take what you can get.

I have come to the conclusion that I am genius, which interestingly enough contrasts greatly with what the rest of the world has concluded. When I say Genius, I offer as proof my willingness to share with starving kids in Biafra. I would gladly take the shirt off your back and give to the shirtless. And if their was a  Bank in need for for someone to hand out cash to the cashless, I am your man. I truly do believe as the good Book says 'It is more blessed to give than to receive". My goal is to give, give and give some more, My special gift is to give for others from others. Yes, if you have more than you need(money, cars, flat screen t.vs.etc) I would gladly aide you in the challenge of sharing with others. If in the process of helping you share with others, you insist that I manage a bonus 25% off the top I would accept because I am genius and I want you to feel good about yourself.  You probably have concluded through this blog that I am not only Genius but that I am quite intelligent, in fact some would  say a Generous.

My favorite Shakespearean play of all time, is the one where the Rabbit and the Turtle have the marathon race. You know! When the Rabbit had eaten some really bad cabbage for his pre-race meal and how he spent much of the marathon in the biffy. And how weeks later the news came out that the turtle had tested positive for steroid use but because steroids hadn't been invented yet the authorities could not change the results of the results of the race. And the controversy that Vegas had fixed the whole thing. I can never remember the name of that Shakespearean play but I'm sure you remember.

It has come to my attention that the world much like my belly is Round. This being an established fact one has to ask themselves (go ahead and ask) why Round? Why not Oblong? Why not Square or Rectangle? I have a few answers for you. 1. Come on Really? Just think how stupid our World would look and all the other Planets would make fun of it. 2.If it was Square or Rectangle it could cut a friendly Alien as they attempt to land and visit our planet. 2. If it were an Oblong it would probably screw up our seasons and we in Minnesota may never have a Summer again.  Sure there are many fancy scientific explanations as to why the World is Round but I do go back to my original Fact. It would just look silly and if there is one thing I don't want to be it's silly.

I am a firm believer in the Sanctity of marriage. Yes I believe both the wife and the Husband should both be sane. Whoops, I guess that's the sanity of marriage, boy do I feel foolish. But if you need a tie in, most people get married in a Sanctity. Whoops, wrong again, that"s Sanctuary. This is getting worser worser. Here is my final attempt to straighten this out, the average marriage in San City, North Dakota last 1000 years. There, I think I have adequately proven my point. Stay tune, it's gonna get worse before I get better.

Sup Dude

I'm here to stay - get ready for some useless information!