I can honestly say I have never met a Wankster that wasn't tone deaf. Seriously have you ever heard a Wankster carry a tune? I know some will make excuses for Wankster's because they don't have mouths and ears, but I think that is just a cop out. Where does it end? Do we say it's ok that Gruba's can't jump just because they don't have legs? Or Mzzxvrg's can't spell because it's against their religion to use vowels? Where does it stop? I'll tell you, when the Wankster's and the Gruba's and Mzzxvrg's get together and create a rock band and they perform their first concert with nonsensical songs with lyrics that make No sense while hurting both the fans ears with their terrible singing and themselves as they attempt to jump and fall on their faces.  Maybe the world needs a little more compassion for the Wankster's  and the Gruba's and the Mzzxrg's and their plight but I still don't want to go to that concert.

Things you may hear a talking house say. 1. To a window "I feel your Pane". 2. To the bathroom toilet "You look a bit flushed". 3. To the bed in the bedroom " You are soo lazy all you do is lay there day after day. 4. To the alarm clock "Your time is almost up".5. To the keyboard of the computer as I am typing this "Stop him please". Shut up talking house.

Did you ever stop to think how does Lettuce feel? Well until just recently I never gave them a second thought. Come to think of it I still don't care how they feel as long they get in that salad where they belong we have no issue. It's just when they rebel and get the crazy idea that they can haphazardly roam around playing in random sandboxes or playing on teeter tooters. A lettuce's home is in a salad not in a playground and argument to the contrary is both futile and lacking in basic math skills.This fact alone may be an indicator why American education is lagging behind many other countries.But everything is brought back into balance by large plate of salad, preferably with bacon bits as a topping. I hope the subject matter of this particular blog does not cut to close to home for you the reader but I have to call it as I see it. I think I might have had too much salad today.

I have made a very important discovery, the answer to the question "Who invented Parades"? Well after doing endless research I believe I have discovered the answer. Most people think Parades were created to honor someone or some group for example returning Soldiers from WW1 or Politicians on 4th of July. Well that is simply not true, No the real truth is much more sinister than that. Here is how it all began, once upon a time there was a group of Popcorn vendors and they had a meeting to discuss the decline of Popcorn sales. One very entrepreneurial vendor suggested they create an event that would bring an audience to their product. After hours of brainstorming the idea of Parades came up. There was alot of discussion about the ethics of such an idea but at the end of the discussion the enticement of more money won out. The very first parade was set to take place in Farmsville, Iowa, the local Popcorn Union 703 contacted Mayor Johhny Johnson to see if he would be interested in having a parade in his honor and being a politician up for re-election he saw this as a good idea. The parade had 5 floats(horse and buggy's) and went for 4 blocks(the length of the town) and lasted a total of 1 hour( No horses or children were hurt in the making of this parade). More importantly to the Popcorn vendors they sold all of their popcorn and could have sold more if they would have had a larger supply. It was then they knew they had a great profit making idea. If you ever get an opportunity to see photos of early parades you will undoubtedly see Orville Redenbacher in the background. His genius as marketing pioneer has never really been appreciated. Since I have unearthed these facts it has changed me forever, I can no longer look a Popcorn vendor in the face without seeing fake parades before my eyes and when I hear the shout at a Baseball game "Peanuts, Crackerjacks, Popcorn, it is all I can do to keep myself from yelling -Liar, Phony, Hypocrite. There is always one thought that keeps me from exposing them there in this very public setting and that thought is, Yeah I really do want some Popcorn and bring on the parade.

About 2 months ago I had a childhood dream realized. Yes, it was then that I became a Blogger. Let me take you about 75 years ago, when as a child of 3 years of age I would sit on my great uncle Shem's knee and he would share his adventures of Blogging. He told me of the excitement of going in the Forest and cutting down these huge trees and hauling them to a city far away and sometimes when there weren't roads they would float them down the river to the next city to be hauled away. Yeah it sounded like a great adventure. Hold on a second I just did a Wikipedia search I guess that was Logging, well then what have I been doing the last 2 months? I should have known it doesn't take a computer to cut a tree down.

My Ode to a Weather forecaster/Meteorologist.
Although I said it would rain today and be Chilly. I will take credit for it turning out to be 80 sunny and quite a Dilly. Some people feel my  inaccurate forecasts make me look a bit Silly. I don't really care cause I have beautiful home on the Hilly. I say to myself whose really the dummie  me or someone who believes what they hear on the Tilly(suppose to be Telly). I know when it comes to accuracy I may be a bit Willy Nilly. But I get paid well,  work only 2 hours each day, look good on t.v and have great boss named Billy.

Humor is a funny thing or at least it ought to be. I do get very confused by some humor, for example stories or movies described as using Dark Humor, which as near as I can tell is Not funny at all and most of the time is just mean or depressing humor. I am of the belief that everyone should get the same chuckle unless they just refuse to laugh. And then their is dirty humor/jokes which make a lot of us very uncomfortable and is very easy to offend. Many of the current comedians utilize this type of humor and it is my opinion they do it because deep down they ain't that funny. Anybody that knows me knows that I am big believer in dumb/simple humor mainly because that's how my mind works but also everyone gets it and those who don't  really like my humor sometimes catch themselves chuckling( although I am sure they look around to see that nobody catches them). Life is very serious and it comes with a lot of ups and downs, so if people can have 1 little chuckle on a hard day then that's a good thing. And to those who ever read my posts here and on Facebook find yourself moaning from a dumb joke I share then again my job has been accomplished. Remember folks humor should be a funny/fun thing so feel free to laugh with or at me. As Red Skeleton would say "Good night and my God Bless".

I think the world would be a funnier place if animals would all change sounds/voices. Imagine with me a Dog that would Moo or a Cat that would Nay. I think even the animals would enjoy the change, after all, I can't count on one finger all the times I have treated Lions with sore throats due to the extensive roaring they do. If Lions could just Whoo and Owls could roar all of a sudden this world would be an exciting place to live. And then there is the example of a Parrot hissing while a Snake says Snakey wants a cracker. But my favorite of all would be the Donkey saying Bark Bark. Maybe it's just me ( and I think we all know it is) but that would really be cool or maybe I have had just a little too much caffeine today.