Back in the late 1400's when I played first chair in the Vienna Orchestra, my good friend Luther Antonio Stradivari created a one of a kind Instrument for me. After several unsuccessful attempts at playing the instrument I decided to return it to Luther. He was befuddled( in Italian the would be Befussamento) I explained that it simply didn't sound right when I tried to use a guitar pik to play it. What I didn't mention to him was that it was silliest looking Guitar I had ever seen. I don't think it will ever catch on. Just a heads up to everyone, if you see a funny little guitar named Violin don't laugh, it seems some people just don't know how to make good guitars. I do feel bad though for my friend Stradivari cause it seems he wasn't able to sell many so he gave up after making just a handful.

Recently I had a very disappointing baking experience. I thought it would be fun to make a Pumpkin Pie. It seemed simple enough, buy a big Pumpkin, cut stem off, place Pumpkin in a Pie Crust, place them both in a large greased pan and bake at 500 hundred degrees for 6 hours. Seems simple right? Well let me tell you that I was shocked by the results. I opened the oven and do I see a beautiful Pumpkin pie, No much to my horror it seems it had baked a little too long and had morphed into a Banana pie(which we all know is disgusting). Note to self only bake pie for 5 hours.

Well it has come  time again for me to write something with deep life changing  meaning, which will give your life a kick start to positivity. Well? (Long Pause). Oh yeah I got it. What's up with puddles? I mean their dirty and muddy and splash up on your clothes and get them all dirty. I don't even think other puddles like puddles. And when you need a good puddle well then for sure it's already dried up and just leaves useless dust. Puddles are pond wannabees, and we all know pond's are lake wannabees which in turn are Lake Superior wannabee's. Lake Superior is the king of Lakes and won't even offer a wave to a puddle. Stupid puddle don't you know Kix are for kids? No you can't even do that right. Well puddle next time we meet I want you to think twice before you splash on me and get my clothes dirty cause I will get my good friend gutter to drain you dry. I know, I know your asking yourself where is the depth and positivity in this commentary. If your looking for depth, try Lake Superior(let me know if you find the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald) and for positivity, well I am positive that puddles are dumb. Hope you didn't waste too much time reading this post.

It is time to expose the Oscars for the outrage that it has become. Through the years I have been brought to tears by the injustice of the awards and the shear devastation it has brought to many a fine actors/actresses and prematurely ending some potentially brilliant careers. I first noticed this around 1947 (when as a child I was shocked) that neither Roy Rogers nor Dale Evans received an Oscar nomination for their fine work in "My Pal Trigger" or for their follow up movie in 1948 "Bells Of San Angelo"  these 2 people single handedly kept the old west safe . I immediately tried to contact both Roy and Dale to offer my condolences, but it seems they were out on the range. The next in the string of injustices was in 1951 in Kirby Grants snub as best actor for "Sky King" in which he kept the west safe in his airplane. Sure some defended this oversight by saying it was a T.V. show and not a movie and to that I say Pish Posh. And then there was Ann Southern's portrayal of a car in "My Mother the Car" she had me totally believing she was a car. One Oscar snub that I can kind of empathize with is the  lack of Oscar nomination for Francis in the movie "Francis in the Navy". We were never told if Francis was a male donkey or a female donkey, so what nomination could the academy offer without possibly offending Francis? More recently Oscar snubs include Burt Reynolds in the fine work he did in all Smokey and the Bandit movies (only the truly elite actors can appear to be totally disinterested in their role and pull it off so well) also actress Drew Barrymore felt the sting of an Oscar snub when in 1982  she was passed over for her grown breaking role in E.T. (very few people realize that she had 2 roles in that movie, Gertie as well as E.T.) thankfully this snub has not hampered her brilliant acting career. The list goes on  there is Lorenzo Lamas, Chuck Norris, Steven Seagal, Dolly Parton and Anna Faris(she is the actress in the Scary Movie series. OK, sure maybe Meryl Streep has a catchy name but there is no way she carries off the ditz role in Scary movie(she just doesn't have the depth or ability). And I will tell you this flat out, Robert DeNiro is no Chuck Norris. In concluding my little rant, do I expect the Oscar's to change their approach? No but if we don't register our outrage at such injustices then we are as guilty as they or them or whatever. Thank you and good night.